I commence an experience for which I will need strength.
I've written elsewhere about why- my father passed and this weekend we celebrate his life. Our weekend, per his request, will be happy and full of laughter and fun memories. Yet, as I get ready, the steady scream in my head and the blurred vision I periodically see is reducing any strength within me.
Dad disliked funerals. He told us often that he found the smell of flowers to be a trigger; flowers reminded him of the sorrow he felt at viewings as a child (never was clear exactly how many he attended but however many it was, they made their mark.)
Dad said his life was more happy and full than he could have ever dreamed. Dad said he would leave this world with no regrets. Dad said we were to remember the fun and celebrate when he was gone.
To do as I have been asked, I must turn inward and to my bones. Within me are five oldest daughters; each daughter carried a burden while living a full life; each made the next generation stronger and better. I must lean on them. I must stand atop them as a colossus.
1.) Anne Hoey Nolan - 1835-1915 seated above to the right - was the first born daughter of the Nicholas Hoey in County Mayo, Ireland. She arrived in the US at the age of 13, alone, with a feather bed, a satchel of belongings (including a candlestick) and a necklace bearing address of her aunt upon which was tied a sack of coins. The necklace and coins were stolen as she washed her face at Castle Garden. She (with no English) found a job, worked in the Hell's Kitchen neighborhood of New York, married, raised a family, and died owning a home on Pearl Street in Port Chester, New York.
2.) Mary Anne Nolan Gagan - 1865-1935 seated - holding the baby - was the first born daughter of Anne and her husband John Nolan. She lived with her family in Port Chester, where she went to school. She married John Nolan and began their family of three children. She knew sorrow; her second daughter (Anna) died as a young adult. Mary's first born daughter, Mary Ellen (named after Mary herself and Mary's sister) married John Gagan and Mary lived her remaining years with their family. She was reported to have worn a bright red petticoat that swished when she walked.
3.) Mary Ellen Gagan Hughes 1889-1965 - standing - was Mary Gagan's oldest daughter. Most of her stories are tied to her husband, a larger than life golf pro, which is interesting to me as I write now because she lived nearly 30 years without him. She needed no real fan fare; her charm and empathy and a strong stubborn streak are heard loud and clear even from her supporting role. She was a vital presence in her grandchildren's lives and was called, with deep love "Momma."
4.) Anne Hughes McCarthy - 1912-1984 - the baby- in the photo above - wearing a christening dress I still have- and my grandmother. She was Mary Ellen Hughes oldest daughter. I notice I have not blogged about her before; I cannot do so today. I need her attention completely and totally on my mom. I will pull on her energy later. She lived through the death of her father, her husband’s deployment during the Second World War and lived her life with force and dignity.
These women tackled a famine and near starvation, New York City in the 1850s, husbands with drinking problems, death of husband in an automobile accident, and World Wad II. They will know how to help me .
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